Fear Of Free Time

By Martha Beck

How to Get Empty Time

There are three key words when it comes to getting empty time: prioritizing, protecting, and promise keeping.

Prioritizing
Try this exercise: First contemplate the to-do list you're carrying in your head or your planner this very day. Now imagine that you're reading the list many years from now, moments before your own (peaceful) death. Which of the items on the list will you be glad you did? Which will mean nothing? If nothing on today's schedule offers soulful nourishment, write in some empty time. Add just a few minutes of nothing to your daily schedule, and empty time will begin to work its magic. It will reconnect you with your core self, the source of pure joy you felt in your sweetest memories. Soon the restorative power of empty time will become self-evident and you'll make it a high priority for the same reason you make breathing a high priority: It keeps you alive.

Protecting
In our obsessively busy society, you may be hard-pressed to convince family and acquaintances you need empty time. My advice is, don't bother. Just excuse yourself, firmly, unapologetically, with minimum information. Say, "I'm sorry, I have an appointment at that time" or "Nope, I'm booked" or "I need 15 minutes alone." I've gotten excellent results with these simple, straightforward statements. Memorize them (or write your own versions), and practice saying them out loud. They'll roll off your tongue more easily in real-life situations.

Promise keeping
Once you've given empty time its rightful priority and practiced protecting your boundaries, make a daily, ten-minute appointment with empty time. Give your core self this brief period of attention, and it will connect you with your real thoughts and feelings, your passion and purpose, the life you are supposed to live—but only if you keep your promise! Finding yourself doesn't require that you fly to Tibet, join a convent, or build a meditation room. Just consistently keep a minimal commitment to empty time.