Fear Of Free Time

By Martha Beck

Signs of Empty-Time Deficiency Syndrome

Vile though the image is, I truly believe that constipation is the most accurate metaphor for perpetual overscheduling. The more we fill our time with tasks that aren't real requirements of our best lives, the more blocked and uncomfortable we feel. If you have three or more of the following symptoms, you probably need to, um, flush:

  1. Irritability, feeling "frayed"
  2. Boredom (oddly enough)
  3. Feeling disconnected even when in the company of others
  4. Being unable to unwind at night or on vacation
  5. A sense of not being, having, or doing enough

Clients who have these symptoms always tell me they "need to do something about it." The truth is, they need to do nothing about it. To heal, they need to empty some time, then feel whatever arises. As these feelings are consciously experienced (a process that allows them to teach us necessary lessons), they go away.

One caveat: Some emotions can't be off-loaded without being told to at least one compassionate witness. If you can't handle empty time, find someone—a friend, relative, professional—who can hear about your pain. Then feel it, express it, and watch it disappear. It will. No matter how frightening your demons may seem, their goal is never to hurt you. They only, always, want to leave.