8 Steps to Conquer the Beast Within

By Martha Beck

Step 1: Learn to call your bête noire by its real name.
Many magical traditions hold that you control a monster by speaking its name. My whole world changed the day a doctor flipped through his medical school textbook and found the label for my illness, which had been misdiagnosed for years. Knowing my condition's name allowed me to track, understand, and manage it. The power of naming is why so many lives have changed with the first utterance of words like "I'm an alcoholic" or "I'm over my head in debt" or, simply, "I'm unhappy."

One of my clients, a diabetic, told me, "If I talk about diabetes, I'll attract it. If I never say it, it isn't real and it can't hurt me." Actually, avoiding a scary topic means your subconscious mind is riveted on it. To let go of something, you first have to admit you're holding it. True freedom starts with absolute honesty. So be brave: Say the words. "I'm lonely." "I have an eating disorder." "My marriage isn't working." The moment you call the problem by its real name, you're already learning how to make it less harmful.

Step 2: Start filling in your lifeline by rating your bête noire at this moment.
On the Lifeline graph you downloaded, the numbers across the bottom reflect your age. The numbers on the left axis indicate the intensity of your problem. Begin filling in the Lifeline by answering this question: On a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 indicating "no problem at all" and 10 "the worst I've ever experienced," how bad is your problem today? Put an X in the column above your current age, at whatever level feels appropriate (if your suffering is at 10, mark the topmost box; if it rates a 9, the second-to-the-top, and so on).

Step 3: Remember (and record) the worst of times.
Now recall when your bête noire was its very worst—the time you were fattest, most nicotine-addicted, most socially incompetent, or whatever. If you don't remember your age back then, think of other things that happened around the same time: "Oh, yes, that was the year I [got pregnant/bought a Yugo/tried to learn pole-vaulting]." These events will help you place your worst bête noire periods in the correct year on your Lifeline. Mark the "level 10" box above each of the years when your problem hit its maximum. For example, my pain rated a 10 when I first developed symptoms, at age 18. It came on strong again during each of my pregnancies, and stayed at maximum force when all three of my kids were tiny. That means that on my Lifeline, fibromyalgia pain scored a 10 at ages 18, 23, 25, and 27 through 30. Mark your Lifeline to represent your personal Dark Ages.

Step 4: Remember (and record) the best of times.
Now it's time to look on the bright side. Recall occasions when your problem eased up or temporarily disappeared. Remember what was going on in your life, and above each year of low beast activity, mark the box that shows the level of intensity back then. For example, my pain levels dropped from a 10 to a 4 when I was 31, after I quit my academic job and started writing books. They rose a little the next year, but at 33, when I began life-coaching former students, my pain dropped to near 0. When was your beast at its least? Give it a score for each year that applies.

Live Your Best Life 

From the February 2009 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine