Sleeping Arrangements

By Martha Beck
Martha Beck's sleeping arrangement advice
"It's weird to think they're getting it on in the house. I just go into my room, turn up my music really loud, and hope that I won't hear them." Twenty years ago, baby boomers like me were making comments like these about our parents. Now we're on the other side of the generation gap; the quotation above actually comes from middle-aged parents who were asked how they feel about their grown children arriving home for the holidays with a new romantic partner in tow. Everyone agrees that this situation can lead to epic awkwardness, with parents as well as children nervously trying to figure out unspoken rules. Should "little" Billy (who is now 6'5") bunk in his old bedroom with his new girlfriend? Does Jenny's shifty-eyed suitor get the guest room, and will Jenny join him there?

Of course, there's no single answer that works for every family. We live in a time of wildly varied attitudes toward sexuality, and no one is out to dictate what you feel or believe. But while unspoken conflicts over your kids' sexual behavior can create tension and emotional distance between family members, remembering a few simple principles can make it almost a non-issue. In fact, if you communicate with clarity and kindness, this potentially embarrassing matter can become the foundation for mutual respect and support between you and your grown children.

 

Photo: Formula Z/S, styling by Jen Everett